So, this is my first blog as a Dad......
I made a comment to my wife last week. Something along the lines of. 'I wonder how long it will take The Sun to print a picture of Michael Caine, in full redcoat regalia, on the front page. With the World Cup being in South Africa I am sure they are already digging into the Boer War archives for some good headlines'.
This got me thinking. Could I plot England's course to World Cup glory (of course they are going to win it) through the eyes of a tabloid headline writer?? Well, here goes:
The first group game, against the USA, posed the least problem for a budding headline writer. After a fairly comfortable 2-1 victory I would lead with 'Yankee Doddle !!'.
In the second group match, a very easy 3-0 win against Algeria in Cape Town, which guaranteed a place in the last 16, I would go with 'Cape of Great Hope''.
In game 3, an already qualified England take things relatively easy against Slovenia but still come out on the plus side of a 2-1 scoreline. Peter Crouch bundles in the winner 3 minutes in to injury time. The headline reads 'Ljubly Jubbly'.
So, England qualify top of their group. A 100% record and 7 goals scored in 3 matches. It's looking good.
In the last 16 England a drawn against Group D runners-up, Ghana. After a slow start, England get into their stride and end up winning the game 3-1, inspired by a Wayne Rooney hat-trick. A beaming picture of the England number 9, ball in hand, is accompanied by the headline 'Rooney's Ghana get ya!!'
After a close encounter with South Korea, France go through to meet England in the Quarter-Finals. A dull, hard-slogging, midfield battle finally ends with England scraping a 2-1 win. With the scoreline in mind, perhaps a picture based headline of an Agincourt longbow archer presenting his two fingers to the reader with text to the side '-1 to England'.
However, excitement is building. England are through to the semi-final, back in Cape Town, where they meet 5 times champions, Brazil. Although still a very potent force, Brazil are not the one-touch, passing, attacking side of yesteryear. Instead they rely more heavily on a tight defence. A hard match finishes 1-1 after extra time and we are down to a finger-biting penalty shoot-out. England never win penalty shoot-outs!!.
It goes to the wire. No-one misses until the 11th kick. Up steps Julio Cesar, the Brazilian keeper. He hammers his shot towards the bottom left-hand corner. Joe Hart flies across his goal and gets a hand to the ball, diverting it around the post. Advantage England. The roles are reversed. Hart steps up and drills his spot-kick high into the top right corner. England have done it. A back page filled with shots of England players who have missed in penalty shoot-outs, Waddle, Pearce, Batty, Southgate, etc etc. Then under them a jubilant Joe Hart and the words 'At Last!!!'.
As luck would have it, following another penalty shootout in the other semi-final, England will meet arch-enemies Germany in the final.
What a match!. Against the expectations of all pundits, both teams go for it from the first whistle. England take an early lead through Rooney only to be pegged back just before the interval when a Philip Lahm drive takes a deflection off Ferdinand and loops over Hart.
Into the second half and the action is relentless. Time and time again chances are made by both teams. Only some superb defending and excellent goalkeeping keeps the scores level. We head into extra-time.....
With 4 minutes to go, substitute Adam Johnson weaves his way into the German penalty area and is tripped by Mertesacker. It's a penalty!! Lampard steps up and calmly places his kick into the left-hand corner of the net. 2-1 England.
Germany throw everything at the thin red line for the last 4 minutes, but England hold on to win the World Cup.
The headline 'Three Lions, Two World Cups, One England!'
except in the London edition, where a 15 year-old picture of Lampard in a Hammers kit would be featured with the headline 'West Ham win the World Cup.....again'
Apologies for some of ther lame attempts at humour here. Why not comment on the blog and send in your own headlines?
Whatever the outcome. It's the World Cup and I can't wait for it to start!!!!!
